It's been a while since my last post...over a year and that's because I gave up, I got comfortable in how I was working and eating. Thinking that since I'm doing what I have done for the past year and half I will also continue to lose the way I had been and that was probably the biggest lie I could have told myself. Since I let myself belief that lie, I stayed exactly the way I was but I had myself convinced that I was still losing weight and getting more comfortable with myself.
Yet in actuality I was digging myself back into the hole that I had almost successful gotten out of...I gained back 10 pounds and gained back almost all of the problems that I had started with. Food became and is still my biggest enemy again ruling my mind and psyche every time I go to take a bite, and in all honestly it's a terrible feeling but I can't seem to remember how I started the last time. Not to mention that the thought of starting over from scratch at least mentally is terrifying but I owe it to myself to give it a valiant try. I'm starting college in the fall and I don't want to go living in the fear of being the "fat" girl or the normal girl who has the "fat girl complex" because I hate those types of girls but I know that I'm ridiculously close to filling that spot and that in itself brings tears to my eyes.
I want to start this chapter of my life with confidence and security in myself, something that I feel I never have had and I'm not quite sure how to go about getting to that spot? It's something I have been struggling with for awhile. I don't want to revert to the more drastic ways I have tried in the past I want to achieve "me" by being healthy and fit and most importantly happy!!! So I have new motivation to try out and hopefully I have gotten my determination because I'm sick and tired of feeling the way I'm feeling and thinking.
I'm going on a cruise in November I bought a bikini....absolutely terrifying but exciting at the same time. It's adorable, teal and lime green and exactly what I imagined would be perfect for island hopping, it fits now but I don't feel pretty in it...so that's my goal to feel pretty and confident in the bikini by November or 5 months.
My biggest problem spot is my stomach and I'm having trouble figuring out how to shrink it up...I'm back to protein shakes for breakfast and working out at least once usually twice a day and we will just have to see where it goes. I will try to keep updating on my process because I heard on that when you write down goals it helps you to stay motivated, so here I go!
start: 163.3
bust: 36
smallest part of waist: 34
widest part of hips: 40
Sassy and striving to be strut worthy in a bikini,
Kelsey
