Today after an exceedingly long time I find myself back to typing my seemingly-never getting better-always goning to be there-I'm really getting tired of this problem with my weight. After my first blog post I went running in Tyler Park started eating really well again, woke up early and ran before school down in my basement....Felt Really Good too. But than life was like "Woah Woah time to get bsy again" and let's just say the 5 am wake up calls became 5:44 am rushed wake-ups and that bag of pretzels was really comforting when I was in the midst of a really bad days where I was haunted by memories of my dad and aunt. Oh! and let's not forget the 4 day trip to Hershey Lodge for Model UN with 12:15pm Cheeseburgers and 6am lattes where you forget to ask for skim milk.
Now I'm back to were I was feeling like I'm never going to improve, lose more weight but forever be fat and I just don't know what to do anymore. I have the need in my mind to change....the same feeling I had when I started this process over a year ago but I just can't put these motivational thoughts into actions or even motion. They are currently trapped in a little box in the middle of my mind screaming to the rest of my body "DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING just to get back in there....YOU CAN DO IT!!" but after years of the rest of me ignoring this little voice continously telling it "SHUT UP...you COULDN'T be more wrong" the little voice is having a very challenging time getting through.
So now I'm sitting on my couch on a snow day, after setting my toaster oven on fire and reading a issue of Seventeen Magazine, thinking instead of ignoring the voice you should be listening to, maybe you should try ignoring the bigger badder voice you have been listening to for the best 15 years. I mean hasn't everyone always said the only way to beat a bully is to stand up to them once and for all. Maybe it'll take longer than last time to get moving and maybe I won't lose 16 pounds in 2 weeks (oh yes it has happened) but if I at least do something....something has to happen because of that, right? that whole cause and effect thing I always hear about applies to this too right? There is a quote from a Sarah Dessen book that has been running through my mind for a couple of days (maybe like 15 days) "If you try anything, if you try to lose weight, or to improve yourself, or to love, or to make the world a better place, you have already achieved something wonderful, before you even begin. Forget failure. If things don't work out the way you want, hold your head up high and be proud. And try again. And again. And again!" maybe if I apply this to my motivational voice in my head I'll be able to wake up at 5am to workout and maybe instead of getting home from school and chowing down on *insert packaged food here* I'll pour myself a big mug of hot tea...since that makes you feel full and warms the soul at the same time (I'm telling the truth about the tea thing I SWEAR!!) or maybe I'll work out in between my 5 hours of homework a night to give my head a break,or maybe drink more water throughout the day to ward of that atrocious little monster I call hunger from attacking me in my weakest spot.
But if that quotes right...which I believe it is, I'll succeed...eventually....but in the end of all of it I will be able to say "I succeed, I DID!" I won't be here sitting on my couch contemplating my next move, worrying that I'll never see my goals come true. I'll be sitting here, or somewhere else, writing about how it worked and how I saw my goals come true and it felt AMAZING!
However I know I have to be reasonable. That post won't be coming for many months, the next post might be, a terrible recount of how much it sucks to be a normal teen trying to lose weight without changing my whole life, or another account of my fustration of not seeing any results. But I guarnatee there will be good posts somewhere in this about small victories and the big ones too. I guess I (and you too, if there is actually anyone reading this) will just have to wait and see what happens, because in my trials of trying to Slim down I don't even know where I'm going to end up.
Always sweet and sometimes Sassy,
Kelsey
No comments:
Post a Comment