Christmas Trees. Treats and Threats

It has been officially been a year since I made the decision to slim down....over 100 pounds from my fifteen year old self. In that year I turned 16, got my driver's license, Became a highschool Junior, oh and lost 60 pounds. But sadly I'm still not happy with myself, I call myself FAT at least once a day, still hate going shopping and let's just say for a 16 year old girl my social status isn't exactly up to snuff. When I look in my mirror I still see the 232 pound girl in it not the 175 pound girl looking back at me.
I have tried a variety of diets and trends and a whole slew of different ways to lose more weight faster and easier than before. I'm not even ashamed to admit I have tried less then healthy ways to lose weight but nothing ever gave me the results I so longed for the self-satisfaction and self-love I strived to give myself....nothing was ever good enough to erase that FAT girl staring back at me in the mirror.
People tell "how good I look" or "your wasting away" or my personal favorite "OMG you look so good...whats your secret" but that just makes me feel like I have something to prove, I have to work harder, longer, lose more weight faster. My mom and sister try to be supportive but it doesn't also work, when one is losing weight faster because of a helpful little rerouting of her GI tract or when the other has always been confident in her body.
But this Christmas I'm starting again after a 3 month plateau that has left me in the 170's. The newest motivator is a 5K in June for my aunt who passed away right after Thanksgiving of this year (did I mention that grief isn't the best situation for weight loss) and also fitting into my gorgeous Junior Prom dress....not to metion the small little part of me that dreads the day when my mom weighs less then me( yes i know that's incredible SELFISH of me and I shouldn't be in a competition with my mother but still). So now to the reason behind the title besides the fact that is Christmas eve.
My mother this morning has told me that it's a Weight-conscious FREE zone and for ever time I call myself fat I lose the car for a day and for a 16 year-old that is blasphemy and quite Tragic. yet even with that threat hanging over my head I have slipped twice already and it hasn't even been 4 hours yet. But it just makes me want to get to the point where I no longer want to call myself fat because I won't see a fat girl in the mirror but the girl I know is somewhere inside of me waiting to be acknowledged.
On Sunday morning after indulging myself inmassive amounts of Christmas Food ( I only have so much self-control) I will meet up with my aunt, cousin, mom and National Champion Ultimater Frisbee player (oh yeah this is serious business in our family) at a park in 30 degree weather to have our first training session for this 5K and start it all over again.
So wish me luck....and welcome to the next chapter of my slimming saga (the first chapter is yet to be written).
-Kelsey